Oksana Gataullina Biography

But work with the psychologist "AiF. Good heart ”changed this hopeless situation. It is also called the International Day of Care of Self -help on July 24th on July 24. And this is not only about physical health, but also psychological stability. Date examples of such care we see every day, and the psychologists of the fund constantly face the results of maternal self -denial.

Parental burnout, all -consuming anxiety for the future of the child and the inability to at least sometimes spend time and attention on himself - this is a portrait of a typical mother, whose child lives with a complex diagnosis. Therefore, the joint project of the Fund with the Sberblack Plant platform is called "Mom in the Resource." And this gives a completely different quality of life not only for mothers, but also for the entire family system.

Better to mom - better for everyone! I didn’t choose a name for a long time, and there was no time for this - the baby was born in the sixth month of pregnancy, prematurely, and at first Oksana was scared by an imminent death, then with severe complications. Looking at the resuscitation window at a tiny bundle entangled with wires, she kept repeating to herself day and night: “Son, dear, stay, this world is waiting for you, you have me, I will be a good mother, there is a grandparents, they are waiting for you too, well, please!

.. Salavat did not crawl, did not hold his head and miraculously escaped the transfer to the palliative department, when all the doctors had already shredded his hands: “Well, he does not breathe! All my legs were defended, she cried all his eyes, but said. And soon Salavat went. Even visited an ordinary kindergarten. I did not hear with both ears, but my mother achieved two operations to install cochlear implants, studied textbooks on surdology, and carried it to rehabilitation.

Specialists came home to put the child on their feet. At the age of 5, his son lost his vision on one eye of the retinopathy of prematurely, and Oksana got involved in the next battle - for the opportunity to see. She no longer remembers a day that he was not to capture to be clogged with a search for help for her son and hard work to restore it. Fatigue accumulated, crushed to the ground.

Next to her, mothers lowered their hands in the same position, but she had one goal and meaning - to rehabilitate the son as much as possible. Together with you only sob? Yes, you came up with everything, he is a normal child. And even if there are problems, how did you want? You are a mother, you must drag everything on yourself. And in general, you would have come out better to work, otherwise you are hiding behind a child!

Oksana's fatigue was poured in black from this.

Why doesn't she have a heart to Salavat? I have never heard from her even the word "granddaughter"! No one understands me ... " Good heart, ”brought all the accumulated fatigue and resentment-do something with it! Svetlana Leonovich, Psychologist of the Foundation "AiF. Good heart ”“ It is very difficult to admit that sometimes the root of the problem is in yourself. We began to understand the children's history of Oksana and saw how the narcissistic structure of her personality was formed: from her young age, her mother praised and encouraged her daughter only for something good from a parental point of view, without taking her child as a whole.

For example, even in adolescence, Oksana sent her parents to trade in vegetables from their garden - and praised only if the trade was successful. The cold and unemotional mother raised her daughter-perfectionist, and while she satisfied her ambitions before the birth of her son Oksana worked at a good job and was the “pride” of her family, her mother stayed with her in contact.

However, as soon as Oksana had a disaster, and she ceased to be a “excess girl”-her mother disturbed sharply. And Oksana herself already transferred her mother’s attitude to herself - to her son: for his health, everything had to be done only to the maximum, denying the already achieved small successes. So Oksana discounted herself and the world around him daily, thinking according to the established family template.

And, feeling guilty to her mother for her “imperfection”, she went on the attack: “You must pity and help me, but you do nothing yourself! Stop demanding evaluation and approval from the outside world, and rely on your adult part. After all, we drive ourselves in a corner, if we constantly live in anticipation of an external assessment, literally incinerate ourselves - hence the emotional and physical exhaustion.

The psychologist invited Oksana to celebrate his own, even the smallest victories, to make it easier to appropriate them. And even buy yourself some small symbols as a sign of achievements and, like athletes, for example, hang their awards on the wall. That is, physically confirm and tie their value. The next purpose in working with a psychologist began to bring himself to the fore, leaving care for the child in the second.

Oksana agreed that this is a necessary condition for a change in life, "otherwise a dead end, if I go as a more way." The steps to gain the former, before the birth of a son, were small: go to a manicure, make a massage, read a book on a topic that was distracted from medicine. Turning herself over again, Oksana noticed that she began to relate to the depreciation from loved ones differently: now that her mother and sister spoke the usual, she seemed to take her annoying noise to the side with her hand.The resentment no longer strangled her, and the opportunity came to communicate calmly with her relatives: Oksana reconciled with her sister, with whom she had not talked for a long time, brought her son to visit her mother.

And even though he was not able to pronounce the word “granddaughter” cherished for Oksana or stroke her daughter on the head, now she herself can give herself the heat and support that she had previously expected from the world. Thanks to the project “Mom in the Resource”, which received the support of the Sberblack Estate Service, the fund psychologists provide free assistance to families with seriously ill children so that no one is left alone with the disease.

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